The feeling of powerlessness
Sarah Vermunt: [00:00:00] Have you ever had someone tell you something about yourself or just casually noticed something about you and, oh, you can feel the truth of it. But it also kind of pisses you off because sometimes you would rather not see the truth. Well today's episode might feel a bit like that. We're talking about the feeling of powerlessness, the feeling of being trapped.
Like you don't have options. For example, maybe you have a boss you hate, maybe you feel undervalued at work. Maybe you can't see a way off of your current career path. So today we'll talk about where your power is, where it isn't. And what to do about it. And also that strange allure of telling yourself that you have no power. It's a weird one and we're going to get into it. So today we're looking at the uncomfortable and liberating truth when it comes to power.
Let's go.
[00:01:00] Welcome to Careergasm. This is a place to help you find your way to feel good work. I'm Sarah Vermont and I help people navigate their careers. I'm a career coach, a best-selling author. And my work has been featured at places like Forbes, fortune Inc entrepreneur and fast company. On this show, we talk about career navigation and career change, and specifically. The human side of work. Where the professional is personal. We have heartfelt nuanced conversations about navigating your career, including all of the squishy feelings that come along with being a human at work. Thanks for listening.
I'm glad you're here.
So here's why I wanted to talk about powerlessness. Most of the people I work with as a career coach. Come to me because [00:02:00] they. They can't see a way out. Of their current career, their current job, their current career path. They know something needs to change, but they feel. Trapped.
They know, they know, they know, you know, these are smart people.
They know that other people have been able to make changes. They just can't see it for their own situation. So they feel powerless and like they have no options and they have been spinning their wheels for a while in this regard.
Sarah Vermunt: So the first thing I want to say is this feeling of powerlessness. It's it's a terrible. Feeling. And it feels very real when you're in it. I've been there myself. And so we're going to get real about powerlessness today. And I want to make sure you understand. That the things we were talking [00:03:00] about, none of it is coming from a place of judgment because we've all felt powerlessness. Now, and again,
And.
Almost always the truth is that. You have options. You just don't like some of them. So there's a difference between not having options, not having any power. And not necessarily loving the options before you, so let me give you a personal example.
I was in a past career, building a career in academia. This was more than 10 years ago. Uh, academia was not my first career. It was my third career. And I had invested a lot of time and money and energy in this career. I use the money from the sale of the proceeds of my condo. Partially to fund a PhD program.
I was in, so I had given up a lot. To [00:04:00] pursue this particular career. And a few years into that career. I began noticing that it was not the right path for me. For a variety of reasons that I will probably share in a few, in a future episode.
But for today's purposes, I just want you to know that I felt very trapped on this career path. Because I had all of my eggs. In this very long. Arduous difficult, expensive basket. And I really didn't feel like I had any options, even though I knew I had to leave because it wasn't for me. I mean, I got to the point where I was getting sick and everything, it was. Quite a journey I was on and I promise, I'll tell you all about it one day soon.
I felt I didn't have options.
I felt powerless. But the truth is . Of course I had options. I had had a career before I had made a career change [00:05:00] before. And so of course I could do it again. But I was afraid of all the time I'd put in all the money I'd put in all the hoop jumping I'd done. To make matters worse. It was a very prestigious career path I was on and for better or worse. I was someone who cared very much about what other people think. Still working on that, by the way. And so I had other options.
I had great relationships with past bosses who I could probably easily go to and talk about maybe, you know, working there while I figured things out. I could simply change the kind of teaching I was doing to a more teaching focused. Professor position instead of a research focused one. There were all sorts of things I could consider, but I couldn't really see them or it's not that I didn't see them.
They just didn't feel like real options. For a long time, even though I sort of knew that they were there in the wings. [00:06:00] And so for me, when I was in that situation, None of the options I had available to me felt appealing. Because they either felt out of alignment like that. Like, you know, a few of those options also didn't feel like the right fit.
Or some of those options felt too risky.
I was giving up too much or what if something didn't work out. So. You might be asking, well, okay. What's the difference then? Like, okay. What's the difference between not having any options, not having any power and not. Uh, loving your options.
Well, it turns out the difference is big and it's important because the difference is agency.
And what I mean by agency is owning your choices, owning your decisions. Each of us has at least [00:07:00] a handful of options. And there's something about acknowledging this, acknowledging that we have options. That forces us to be. You know, honest with ourselves. About what we're choosing.
So wherever you are in your career right now, today, You are choosing something for a particular set of reasons. And you were not choosing something else for a particular set of reasons. That's true for you. That's true for me. That's true for everyone. And your reasons are yours and you do not have to justify them to anyone. It's a very individual thing.
We're all navigating right.
But here's why owning your choices is important.
It pulls you out of victim mode.
Because there is something appealing. About the [00:08:00] story that you're powerless, right. There's like, there's like a certain appeal there because sometimes it's easier to feel powerless. Because using your power. Doing the thing, taking the action. Choosing something feels too big, too hard. Too overwhelming. Right. And that's understandable that feeling. That feeling of, well, Jesus, what if I pull this thread and the whole thing unravels.
But do you see how that's different than saying that you don't have any power?
It's the difference between not having any power. And being afraid of what will happen if you use your power.
So let's take the example of someone who's feeling overlooked and undervalued. In their career. Let's say you're someone who's [00:09:00] been passed over for impression. And let's say maybe it's not even once it's, let's say you've tried for two promotions in the past couple of years and you've gotten neither of them. And so this is a very disheartening situation. Super frustrating because you know, they just can't or won't see your potential. And so. You could spiral. In victim hood and in powerlessness.
Right? Actually I think that's pretty natural thing to do as a first reaction.
But you could also eventually ask yourself. Where is my power in this situation?
And that question. There's something really important about that question. Because discernment is so important in reclaiming your power. At work or anywhere else? A pair of questions. You can always ask [00:10:00] yourself no matter what situation you're in AR. Where is my power in this situation? And. Where is it not. Because there are going to be some things as you know, that are out of your control, right? But that does not mean that you're powerless. It's the difference between full control and agency, even if you don't have full control over everything. You do have some agency, you do have some personal power. So this person who's been overlooked for the promotion. Instead of spiraling and powerlessness. There's a couple of things you could do. You could say, okay, where's my power in this situation. Well, I suppose I could ask for some feedback around why I wasn't the chosen candidate.
Now you can't control, if they will share that information with you. [00:11:00] Or how they share that information with you or how much of it they share with you. But you can ask the question. Right. There's your agency. There's your power. You could also, if you get some feedback, choose to work on some of the areas that would make you a stronger candidate. Whether those are some of the softer skills required for that job. Or some. Harder skills like doing some sort of course or upgrading of a skill in some ways.
You could also. Stick around. And try again. Or. Here's the scarier option. You could choose to see if someone else would value you more. You could apply. Elsewhere outside of your current organization. And so this is what I'm talking about. When I talk about the difference between feeling like you have no power. And being afraid of [00:12:00] using your power by taking action.
I'm not saying by the way, that it's easy to take action and use your power. But I do think it is helpful. And more truthful, really to remember that it's an option. Because then you're not stuck in feeling like you have no control over your life. So let's try another example. Here's here's a common one for the folks I work with. Let's say you have a boss that you don't exactly love or a colleague that you don't exactly love that you have to work with a lot. You can't exactly control who your boss is and who your colleagues are.
Right. We can all agree that that's not really something that you can control. Does it mean you're powerless. No. So you can ask yourself, where is my power in this situation? Well, you know, it's not in controlling who your boss is or how they behave. [00:13:00] But you can control. Who you are in that relationship, how you show up in that relationship, how you work on that relationship. Different approaches you take to that relationship.
You can experiment with a variety of things to see if anything. Shifts the way that relationship is. Now you might try that and something works amazing. You might try that and it doesn't. Well, then again, you have to ask yourself, okay, where is my power in this situation? Now I've really given it a try. Well, Have you. Lodged any sort of complaint yet? Or have you talked to a mentor about how they might handle the situation yet? If it's a really abusive situation with your boss, have you talked to HR yet?
Depending on what the actual issue is and what you have, and haven't already tried. There's the second phase of things you can try. Right. So let's say that [00:14:00] you try that second phase of things. You work on it with a mentor. You try and take some sort of action with your organization. And nothing comes of it. Okay. Where's your power in that situation now? If you've really tried everything. Perhaps you need to either. Get okay.
With having a less than ideal relationship with your boss. Or take your time and talents elsewhere. You see how we're just going through sort of. A variety of iterations of options. That's how we use discernment to ask where our power is. And isn't in any given situation with work. Now let's try one more example. Let's say you're someone who feels trapped on your current career path.
Like I did back when I was in academia.
Where is your power and where is it not? Your power. Isn't probably in just snapping [00:15:00] your fingers and making you automatically like your job. If you're feeling trapped, you've probably already tried a couple of things and it's just not happening.
So the next phase, where is my power? Well, your power might be in doing some self exploration to see what you might like more. It might be in talking to a few other people who've made career changes to see where they started and how they got through some of those speed bumps. There are all sorts of things you can do to explore your options. And so this discernment I'm talking about is really. Meant to help you turn away from that feeling of powerlessness. And towards your own agency. Because if you devote too much, Time, attention, energy. Two things that you really, and truly can't change. That's going to feel real bad for you. Trying to control your boss, trying to, to push people to. [00:16:00] Value your work when it's just not happening, trying to make yourself like your job when you haven't for a long time.
And you know, it's not going to happen. That's sort of like a hamster wheel feeling and it never feels good because that's a ride you can't get off of. But when you use discernment to instead ask, okay, where is my power in this situation that always leads to some more liberating options. Notice, I don't say that leads to some easier options. Right. Because not all of your options are going to feel easy in career navigation.
Our options rarely feel easy because the stakes are so high, right. But it does give you some options to pull yourself out of that feeling of powerlessness. And if you're exploring some of those options, you will notice. That you probably won't have an easy solution right away. There's going to [00:17:00] be some things to Wade through. And feel out.
Now here's a further complication.
We are not equally resourced. Each of us has privileges and barriers around things like race, gender, income, ability, education, all of it. And so I think it can be helpful to remind ourselves that our journey is our journey. And just because you see. Someone else. Making choices in a certain way, because that's what they need. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to make choices in the same way. Or even have the same options as they do.
And isn't that frustrating, but I do find there's something.
I do think there's something freeing about just being real [00:18:00] about what your options are and what your privileges are and what your barriers are. Between you and what you want, because then you can actually navigate things. In a more clear headed realistic way. One thing that is particularly limiting. When you're looking at your options and you may have noticed this is that rock and a hard place feeling,
well, I either can do this or I can do that. And both of those options suck. I can, I can feel myself holding my arms just as I say that in sort of like a resentful tantrum. It doesn't feel good. Right? It doesn't feel good because that's binary thinking. And telling yourself that there are only two options is very limiting. It's also not real.
If you're telling yourself, well, I can do X or I can do Y. You're forgetting about the rest of the alphabet. You have to start thinking a little more creatively [00:19:00] about what's next. And there's where that. Big sister. Tough love comes in, right. You know, Part of what I want to do here on this podcast. Is hold your hearts and minds while you're going through something difficult.
And part of what I want to do here also, Is too. Help you remove any barriers that are in the way, in terms of the way you might be habitually thinking. About things. And so really today's conversation is all about encouraging you. To notice what your options are. Even if some of them feel hard. Not so attractive or risky. At least. Be willing to inventory what your options are and you will feel more empowered because it will force you to honor the [00:20:00] choices you make. Maybe the choice you're making right now is to stay in a job that you don't love. Because you haven't figured out what's next and you have bills to pay. Honor that there is nothing wrong with doing that.
Maybe you just need some more time to figure things out. Or maybe a current choice that you're making is to do something that feels a little bit risky. Even if you're not sure. If it's going to work and you might have all kinds of pushback from people in your life about that. But that is your choice right on, or the fact that that's your choice.
So we are all individually making choices as we navigate our career. And we don't have to explain them to anyone. Your choices are yours. My choices are mine, and that's what helps us navigate our careers in a way that feels good.
Not in [00:21:00] a way that feels easy. But in a way that feels good. And right. For us.
So this week, I am wishing you the fortitude. To take a look at what your options really are. And honor the choices that you feel compelled to make.
Thanks for listening. I'll see you next time.
Hey, Hey. He's still here. Thanks for hanging in for the realness. Sometimes these things we need to hear to get on stuck. Aren't always. , the most pleasant things to hear. So kudos to you for your open-mindedness about moving forward.
If you liked [00:22:00] this episode, I would love for you to share it with a friend. If you haven't left a review yet, I would also appreciate that so much.
I'm so glad you're here for this ride and I will see you next time. Thanks for listening.
