Lost your job? A love letter.
Sarah Vermunt: [00:00:00] If you ever lost your job. Unexpectedly. Have you ever been, let go or fired or laid off? It's a pretty earth shaking experience and people experience it differently. Uh, there's often shock and panic, but for some people there's also. Numbness. Grief. Rage like our real sense of unfairness, especially if you're someone who has given a lot to your work. So today I want to talk you through this experience of job loss. And not just from the practical tactical side of things, but from inside the human experience itself. And I want to share some things that you might find helpful. And validating in the immediate aftermath of this. So I've got you on this. I'm in your corner. Let's go.[00:01:00]
Welcome to careergasm. This is a place to help you find your way to feel good work. I'm Sarah Vermunt and I help people navigate their careers. I'm a career coach, a best-selling author. And my work has been featured at places like Forbes, fortune Inc entrepreneur and fast company. On this show, we talk about career navigation and career change. And specifically. The human side of work, where the professional is personal. We have heartfelt nuanced conversations about navigating your career. Including all of the squishy feelings. That come along with being a human [00:02:00] at work. Thanks for listening.
I'm glad you're here.
I want to start by being really honest with you. Job loss is not something I planned to talk about on the podcast.
And the main reason for that is this is not the scenario that most of the people I work with are in. I tend to help people make career changes by choice. So the folks I work with for the most part. Are people who are still in their current jobs while they're navigating to what's next. But I have worked with people. Who are dealing with job loss.
And I know this is a very difficult experience. And something happened today that made me want to talk about this. I got a text from one of my [00:03:00] truest dearest. Best Desta besties. And her partner lost his job today. And they're both reeling. And, uh, they didn't see it coming. And so they're in a state of shock.
They're, you know, understandably feeling panicked about things. And she just reached out to see. If I had any words of advice for them, you know, of course she knows I'm a career coach. Like I'm the person to reach out to when this happens. But it's interesting because she is one of my best friends. When I responded to her. I skipped over all of the usual stuff.
All of the practical tactical stuff. That people talk about when they talk about job loss and I wanted to go right to the heart of the matter. So I skipped over all the usual shit that I would talk about maybe in like a, like a five minute television or radio interview, where I give [00:04:00] people practical tips about how to deal with job loss.
That stuff is important by the way, I don't want to minimize it's important. But it was interesting for me to notice that. That's not where I wanted to go first, because I love these people so much. I just wanted to go straight to the heart of the matter.
And so what ended up happening is. I basically ended up writing a little love letter to her partner about this experience. It's, you know, I am me and that has just how it came out.
And. I feel like I want to share that with you today. And I want to maybe unpack. Some of the concepts that came out around that. So I'm just going to offer this little love letter to you. If you are someone who has experienced job loss. And here's what I want to say first, if. Any of this doesn't feel right for [00:05:00] you.
If you disagree with it. , just disregard it completely and follow your gut. , you should do that for. Any advice anyone gives you ever. But here's the love letter. To my friend's partner. And it's also to you, if you're going through job loss.
Hey, honey. You will need to allow some time. For the shock and grief and maybe the anger to process. There's probably a part of you that is panicking. That's normal. And valid. But the panicky parts of ourselves are never very good at problem solving. They grasp at things too quickly.
So. If you are able and not everyone is able, but if you are able to allow some space. To not try to fix it right away. It would do you a [00:06:00] world of good. Can you maybe take at least a week or two before you ask yourself the question, what should I do next? That pause. We'll help you feel things out. Instead of figure things out. And that difference is really important. Feeling things out. We'll help you to bring your whole self to finding your way forward and figuring things out.
We'll offer you solutions that are far more linear. , conventional and probably constrained. Because those solutions are coming from your mental faculties only. And you are much more than your lovely brain. There is a very wise, but less logical self in there as well. And [00:07:00] so right now you just need time. To allow whatever you're feeling. And time to wrap yourself up with as much love and care as you can. That includes being intentional about who you do and don't want to spend time with right now. You don't owe anyone an explanation or your time or energy.
So. If it doesn't feel nourishing. Skip it. For now.
The sooner you allow your feelings to flow, however they want to flow. And some of that might surprise you. , the sooner your nervous system will be able to regulate and you'll be more capable of thinking clearly. But understandably, you can't think clearly right now, And also you're not supposed to. You will. Eventually, but not just yet.
Not right now.
As you're allowing the feelings. It might be interesting to [00:08:00] notice if you have any positively charged feelings. That come up in the mix of the uncomfortable ones. Is there a part of you that feels relieved in some small way? Along with the panic. Is there a part of you that's curious. About trying something else. If those feelings come up and they may or may not. Isn't that an interesting thing to notice.
Sending a ton of love your way as you're navigating this. You will be okay. Maybe not today, but soon.
So I want to talk about. Some of this. Some of this experience around. Job loss. And. The. Idea. Of potentially [00:09:00] when possible. Giving yourself a minute, like taking a beat. To allow for the grief and the shock. And, you know, maybe anger. Uh, or, you know, for some of that numbness to lift. Uh, all, all of those, that sort of cocktail of emotions you're feeling.
And, you know, if you had a sudden job loss, I can pretty much guarantee it's our real mix of feelings. There might be one or two that are the primary ones, but it's a real mix. And. It's helpful to take a beat and allow a minute to process some of these feelings. Because as I mentioned. The panicky parts of ourselves.
Aren't so great at problem solving. Because they do grasp at things too quickly. So having a little bit of space before you move into action mode. [00:10:00] Can be helpful.
And. There's a lot of people who can't do this. There are a lot of people who are working from paycheck to paycheck. And just cannot take a week or so to process those feelings, they have to get a job and they have to get it now. And that is absolutely what those individuals should do. , even if it's getting at like, uh, just for now jobs, something to keep. Your bills paid while you figure things out more longterm. That is absolutely the right move. And some people can allow for a small amount of space to allow for some processing. So I just want to be real clear.
You do what's right for you. And not everybody has the same life circumstances. Or life options. But let me talk about the difference between. Feeling things out. [00:11:00] And figuring things out for a minute.
Figuring things out, especially when you are in a moment of understandable panic. Figuring things out sometimes feels, very spinny, like a lot of mind spending a lot of looking for very quick solutions. And that is natural after a job loss for the record, uh, your brain is going to be working on overdrive. And so you are going to feel very spinny. But when you lean into that, when you lean into that sort of panicky, very fast thinking, you are more likely to grasp after. The first option that you see. Versus finding a way to maybe calm your nervous system down and maybe think a little more.
Creatively [00:12:00] about what's next. And taking. Your various needs into account short-term and long-term. And so. Feeling things out typically involves connecting with your intuition in some way. It involves allowing the processing of your feelings. And of course, you're going to have that brain spinning that sort of hamster, wheelie, panic, running in the background.
You know, this isn't supposed to be a Zen experience. But if you can allow space. For intuition. , for the processing of your emotions. Sometimes it helps you. Look at the job loss and your next move. A little more clearly and a little more creatively. And so that's why it can be helpful. The mix of emotions that you are going to feel in a job loss.[00:13:00] , should not be, , ignored or pushed down because those are going to come up at some point. So if you have space now to process them, it's actually a good thing. It's an unpleasant experience, but it will be good for you if you know what I mean. , And do you know. I I've helped, you know, various different people move through job loss.
And I can tell you. The emotional stuff comes up differently for different people. So here's, here's an example. Some people really need to process that in like a somatic way. They need to process it through their body. So, you know, you might find yourself wanting to sign up for. A boxing class or like a long distance running program and you just sort of need to move that emotion through your body, whatever it is. , and then some [00:14:00] people. Way at the other end of the spectrum, some people really need to cook Kuhn. For a while.
And there's all sorts of various things in between. But however, your emotional, like whatever modality of emotional processing comes up for you. Just trust it. Go ahead and lean into it. And then if you get to a point where that doesn't feel good anymore. Change it move on to something else. If you're a cocoon person and it starts feeling not so good after a couple of days, get your ass outside and go for a walk.
If you're at the boxing gym. And that starts to feel not so great after a while, take a day or two to like sleep the afternoon away. If you can afford to go ahead and listen to like, The. The little nudges that your body is telling you around how the processing of things might need to change. Over time.
So you want to focus on self care. You want to [00:15:00] make sure that everything you're doing in this little concentrated period of time? Fuels nourishing or some way, or like you're getting some sort of release from it.
As I mentioned in that love letter to my friend's partner. You, you might have to be a little more hardcore about setting boundaries in this period. , , the people who love you might have all sorts of opinions about what they think you should be doing right now. And those opinions can wait. What's more important is that you attuned to what you're feeling and how you think about things.
Also, it's really hard to think clearly right away when you've had a job loss because your emotional self takes over. And your nervous system for awhile is going to be very dysregulated. And when your nervous system is dysregulated, your cognitive skills are going to be not so great. If you've ever [00:16:00] been in great emotional distress, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. So. You're not going to be able to think clearly right away, even though you want to. It's interesting though.
You will feel like you're thinking a lot and you will feel compelled to think a lot. So go ahead and let that play layout. Let that hamster hang out on that hamster wheel. , but you'll notice that it's going to feel mostly like panicky. Spinny thinking. Not grounded aligned. Clear thinking. And you probably can feel out that difference. And. Just for a short while that you, you know, your nervous system, it needs to ride that initial rollercoaster.
So just go ahead and let your nervous system ride the rollercoaster of all the feelings and all the spinny thinking. And eventually. After a while of [00:17:00] that, you will regulate a little more.
And then you can start to think more clearly. You'll have easier access to. The calmer. Wiser more grounded parts of yourself, where you can make good decisions about what's next. Where you can start to think about. The practical. And tactical things around what's next.
And here's something that you can throw in the mix as you're processing, as you're noticing your feelings. Do you notice any positively charged feelings in the mix of the uncomfortable ones? Like some people, when they lose their job, there is a strong wave of relief that washes over them. Now that certainly isn't everybody, but it is some people. And isn't that telling. Right to have a wave of relief [00:18:00] mixed in with the panic. Or to notice that you have a sense of curiosity. Around what's next mixed in with some of those other negative emotions. We can feel many things at once.
And so. As you're processing the job loss and noticing your feelings. Go ahead and let yourself notice if there's maybe one or two. Positively charged feelings in the mix too, because that's really important to notice. That probably says something.
So.
As I'm wrapping up here, I just want to say. That if you were going through this experience, it's important to remember that you will be okay. You might not be okay today in this moment, especially if you lost your job very recently, like this week. You're not supposed to be okay right away.
Right? Like you're supposed to have a feeling of [00:19:00] not okayness. But. Eventually you will be able to feel your way forward. And do all of the things you need to do. To get back on your feet.
But it's interesting. To notice how. Something can fall apart, like really spectacularly in your life and really suddenly, and you can feel all the turbulence of that. And. Also.
It's cool to notice that there's, there's a part of you that is still okay. And that's the part that will carry you forward. The human spirit is astonishingly resilient. And if you make space for it. He will show you a way forward.
So I'm sending lots of love. To all of you this week. [00:20:00] But especially anyone who is right in the middle. Have a job loss right now. You can trust that you'll be okay. Thanks for listening. I'll see you next time.
Hey, Hey, I'm still here.
Would you consider sharing this with someone who has lost their job? Or, you know, maybe just. Throw it up on LinkedIn. For anyone to stumble across it, who's maybe lost their job. Uh, job loss can be a really lonely experience and the more we can do to. Support. People going through this. The easier they'll have getting through it. Thanks as always for being here. I'll see you next time.[00:21:00]
