Developing self-trust
[00:00:00] How has your self-trust. How would you rate it? How much self-trust do you have? Do you trust yourself to do what's right for you? Do you check in with yourself regularly and take action on the things you notice. For a lot of people. I think the answer is no. For some it's probably. Sometimes. But I don't think a lot of people would answer these questions with a resounding yes. So. Today, we'll talk about developing self-trust. We'll talk about why that can feel hard. And also how to practice your discernment so that eventually over time decision-making feels less fraught and less hard. Plus I have a fun little self-trust exercise that you can try this week. Let's [00:01:00] go.
Welcome to Careergasm.
This is a place to help you find your way to feel good work. I'm Sarah Vermunt and I help people navigate their careers. I'm a career coach, a best-selling author. And my work has been featured at places like Forbes, fortune. Inc entrepreneur and fast company. On this show, we talk about career navigation and career change, and specifically the human side of work. Where the professional is personal. We have heartfelt nuanced conversations about navigating your career, including all of the squishy feelings that come along with being a human at work. Thanks for listening. I'm glad you're [00:02:00] here.
So if you've been listening for a while, you know, I've been on our real tear, talking about intuition for the last couple of episodes. And sometimes we think of intuition as something. That is simply the thing that points us in a certain direction, not necessarily the thing that helps us make the micro decisions along the way.
The thing that actually helps us navigate to what's next. But intuition can help you, not only with the what, of what you want, but also the how of getting there. But intuition speaks in like what I would call compass language. Like that way. North, south, east, west versus precise GPS coordinates. But we have to remember. Uh, sailors used to navigate by the stars alone.
Right? So it's not like it's impossible to navigate somewhere. Without very precise coordinates. And I think [00:03:00] self-trust is related to this because. Self-trust is. Something that you develop. In a more nuanced way. And some people like to think that self-trust is something you either have, or you don't have, you know, people will say like, oh, like, you know, decision-making is really hard for me because I'm not someone who has self-trust, uh, or oh, that person over there, they seem to really trust themselves.
I wish I was like that, but I think it's helpful to recognize that self trust isn't something you're born with or not born with. It's something you develop. Over time. Now here's, what's tricky about that. The only way to develop self-trust. Is to experiment with it is to try it, hopefully with little things at first. And like, and that's really hard because of that chicken and egg feeling.
Here's what I mean. You know, it's actually really similar to the feeling new [00:04:00] graduates have when they're looking for work. Where every job description, they come across as you need experience, but in order to get experience, you need a job. So you're like, well, I'm kind of fucked either way. Self-trust can feel like that too.
It's like, okay, I have to experiment with it to develop it. But in order to experiment with it, I have to have a little bit of it. It has that chicken egg feeling to it. So that's, that's part of the reason why developing self-trust feels hard. The other reason why developing self-trust fuels hard is because. For most of our lives. Various people and influences have told us. That the answers are outside of us. So we're not very practiced with looking inward. To make our decisions. And in fact for most of our lives, we've been told that that is dangerous and the answers are outside over here. So it can feel a little bit [00:05:00] scary to even start dabbling with self-trust.
If that's the script you've been following your whole life, which let's face it, most of us have, particularly in our careers. And so. What's important in developing self-trust. Is starting small. Starting with tiny little experiments. It's kind of like, um, Imagine you're taking a hike in a big national park. And there are all kinds of different trails that you could take.
You might have a general idea of like what kind of terrain you want to hike or where you want to go, but you can't know. Exactly in detail, what the trail is going to be like until you're on it until you start walking.
You, but you have to make a choice, right? Like there there's something in you that says, okay.
Out of the eight trails I could do today, I'm going to try this one. And I have a feeling about this one and here's why. And so you try it. [00:06:00] But you don't know the details until you start walking. Right? You get some of the details along the way. Once you get moving. You don't know the weather conditions in advance.
You don't know if there's going to be a bear on the trail. You don't know if there might be a beautiful lake you'll stumble across where you can go skinny dipping later. You do the best you can with the information you have at the time.
That's how we make good decisions. That's how we use a combination of intuition and logic. To make our decisions. And it's through that process. Of just taking it, taking a stab at something, choosing a trail. That we sort of start to develop a sense of what we want to move towards why that is, and if we're on the right track. So developing self-trust is kind of like. Tiny [00:07:00] experiments. In trusting yourself. Uh, bit by bit, you, you do a little trust exercise.
You make a little decision, then you look back and see how you did.
Self-trust is something you develop by doing. And I actually think that's why it's so scary for some people to lean into developing self trust a little bit more.
An easy example is, think about someone who hasn't, let's say painted. Before. You kind of get a sense in your head of what you'd like to paint and you're picking up the brush for the first time. And you take a stab at it. And then, afterwards you look at your painting and you're like, oh, okay.
I could have done this instead. Or, oh, I actually really liked this bit or yeah. That's exactly the right color that I wanted or no, I think next time, if I did it, I would do this instead. So it's kind of a process of trying something. And then assessing afterwards, evaluating [00:08:00] afterwards kind of in the same way that a pro athlete would look at the game tape after a game to see all the things that they did. Well, and would do again, and some of the things that they might want to change for their next game.
Here's another analogy, fine tuning self-trust is kind of like tuning a piano. If you think about it.
This is, this is a great analogy because sound is about resonance. So when you're playing a piano, you play a note and then you feel the resonance. You hear the resonance, right? Uh, developing self-trust is, is similar in that way. It's like you do something. You take a small step. And you know, that step might be. Saying the thing that needs to be said to someone in your life. It might be ending something that needs to end in your life.
It might be. Embracing something that's been calling to you for a [00:09:00] while, but you, you notice something, then you play the note. Then. When you feel that resonance you can take yet another step. You play that note again and again and again. Fine tuning. As you go. And resonance is about vibration. So, what do you do when something feels out of resonance?
Well, You ask yourself the question, like what is feeling. Wrong. About the frequency where I am, what's wrong with the vibe, the frequency, the residents, where I'm living. Or what is it about the thought or story in my mind, that's impacting this decision that feels a little bit out of resonance.
Self-trust requires lots of. You know what it requires. It requires a lot of practicing. Discernment. And I want to stress the word [00:10:00] practicing.
Because I think self-trust well, no, I know self-trust. Is something that develops over time. It's like a cumulative thing. The more experiences you have acting on your intuition and then feeling the resonance of that. The greater yourself trust becomes, but it is a practice. Hence why I say. Developing self-trust requires lots of practicing. Discernment. It's almost like it's almost like life becomes a little series of tiny trust falls when you're at the beginning. Did you ever have that exercise?
Maybe when you're a kid in school
Or at some sort of organizational trust building exercise. They would do something called a trustful where there was a group of people on the ground. They were the people catching the individual and there was someone else maybe standing on a chair or a riser. And it was their job to trust the group, to catch them before they sort of released and fell [00:11:00] backwards. I've never done one of those.
I have no desire to do one of those, but I know a lot of people have done these exercises.
But developing self-trust can be a lot like that. Lots of tiny trust falls at first. And here's an easy way. To think about it. And we're just talking about tiny trust falls with your self here. Okay. So doing a trust exercise with yourself. If you really want to break it down, you can think of it as three separate parts.
The first part is noticing. What feels right for you? Then, secondly doing the thing, taking action on that thing. And then thirdly, and this is important. Checking back like. Checking back to ask yourself, like, okay, how did things go? It's almost like conducting tiny little decision autopsies. On the things you try. It's also important to conduct tiny little decision autopsies on the times when you didn't trust [00:12:00] yourself, by the way. The time you did notice what your intuition was telling you. And for whatever reason you pushed it down and you went the other way. Boy.
I bet there's some things there to notice, but that didn't go super great for you. And by the way, we've all had experiences like that. Don't beat yourself up about it. You probably had some valuable learning. In those experiences. But this practice of developing. Discernment. Can be, can be a really easy experiment in noticing. Then doing then reflecting. And that's how you build self-trust.
Now. That might feel a little bit scary to you. If you are someone who really doesn't have. Any self-trust. If so. I've got a fun little experiment for you. That's a little bit lower stakes. And that is to ask yourself.
How would I behave differently? If I [00:13:00] trusted myself. In other words, what actions might I take? If I trusted myself? What actions might I stop taking? If I trusted myself. Also how might my emotional state be different? If I trusted myself. So this week, anytime you're faced with a decision. Or a dilemma or a yes or no thing you have to make. Uh, a decision on. You can simply ask yourself the question. What would I do if I trusted myself? Now.
You do not have to act on what comes up. If you don't feel ready for that. I mean, if you do go for it, but sometimes it's easier to separate noticing. From deciding and doing. Because sometimes deciding and doing an acting on your intuition right [00:14:00] away feels quite threatening. If that's not something you've done before. And so putting a bit of distance between noticing and deciding and doing can help it feel a little bit safer. Like maybe, maybe this week, maybe this month, all you do. Ease you notice what you would do if you trusted yourself. And then I bet if you do that for a week or a month, you're going to start to feel a little more steady. And maybe one of these times you'll actually decide to act on. One of the things. You have a certain feeling about. And that's how we get this ball rolling. Because, like, have you noticed we live in a world that is more turbulent and chaotic than ever.
I mean, I have. And this old way of like this outdated programming we have around looking outside of ourselves for answers.
Isn't [00:15:00] working anymore. It's not working for a lot of people. And so.
I think now, At this time in the world. It's a really good time for us to start. Uh, building these intuitive muscles that I've been talking about for the past couple of weeks. It's time to start fine tuning. Our intuition and fine tuning and developing our self-trust a little more deeply. Now. With fine tuning intuition and with developing self-trust. The goal isn't to have no. Roadblocks or problems in the future.
That's not realistic. The goal is to be tuned in enough to use the hardships. As. Navigational tools whenever they inevitably arise. [00:16:00] And the more you practice with this, the more you will be able to make decisions that are. Less fraught with really intense emotions. And you'll be able to make decisions that feel more aligned for yourself because you're finding the answers inside. Versus scrambling outside of yourself for what you're supposed to do.
So I hope you take this little experiment and you run with it. I hope you remember. That self-trust is something we develop by doing.
Thanks for listening. I'll see you next time.
Hey, Hey. I'm still here. In the next episode, we're going to talk about control. And really [00:17:00] the illusion of control. We will talk about planet king, which is planning and decision-making from a place of panic. Which isn't great. So if you're not already subscribed, hit the subscribe button, so you can tune in for that. And if you're here and you like the podcast and you haven't given a review yet, I would love that. Give a girl, some stars.
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Thanks for being here. I'll see you next time.
