What's Really Important. Season 1 Wrap.

Zooming Out: What's Important. Season 1 Wrap

Sarah Vermunt: [00:00:00] There's this thing I do with my clients and I call it. Theme hunting. And theme hunting is when I've been working with someone even just for two sessions, doesn't take long. Where we're able to take a look at what we've been talking about so far, and then sort of step back from it to sort of zoom out and ask ourselves, okay, what themes are coming up here? 

What do we notice? Comes up a lot, regardless of the question. That I'm asking. Is there something that seems to pop up a lot? No matter what I'm asking or what we're talking about. So we're going to do a little theme hunting today. We're going to zoom out. And take a look at. What's really important. Some of the themes that have been coming up again and again and again, in our conversations, what themes are emerging in these conversations we've been having? So today we will wrap our arms around some of the most important things to consider. [00:01:00] Some things I'd love for you to carry with you for the next couple of months, while I take a little break from the podcast. This is our season one wrap-up. Let's go.

Welcome to Careergasm. This is a place to help you find your way to feel good work. I'm Sarah Vermunt and I help people navigate their careers. I'm a career coach and a bestselling author. And my work has been featured at places like Forbes, fortune Inc entrepreneur and fast company. On this show, we talk about career navigation and career change, and specifically the human side of work. Where the professional is personal. 

We have heartfelt nuanced conversations about navigating your career, including all [00:02:00] of the squishy feelings that come along with being a human at work. Thanks for listening. I'm glad you're here. 

Well, my dears. 

Can you believe we've gotten through a whole season together already? I'm so thrilled with this, and I'm so thrilled with the feedback I've been getting from you about what's landing. The feedback I've been getting about what sort of things you'd like me to talk about. And also the feedback about the things you're struggling with. 

It's really helped me to put together. Some, some conversations, uh, that I think will be helpful for you. And there's lots more of that coming forward next season. So I'm just taking a short break. For the summer. I need to go spend some time in the woods. And I will come fresh back to you in September. But before I leave you for my summer. I, I [00:03:00] wanted to, to just sort of do what I do with my clients really, which is to, to do some theme, hunting, to zoom out and look at the conversations we've been having. Um, this has been interesting for me to do, to look back over the past 20 episodes. To see. Okay. 

Like what, what are we really talking about here? What am I really trying to get at? What do we keep hammering home? What do we keep exploring? And. Because I am me and I do the work that I do. I have noticed some themes, five of them specifically. There's more, I mean, I could talk about 10 or 15 themes, but for the purposes of today, I want us to dive into the biggies. And I want us to do that so that you have something to think about. And sink your teeth into over these next couple of months when you don't have me in your earbuds for a little while. And so let me just talk about [00:04:00] the thing that I noticed most strongly. The thing I have returned to, again and again, in these conversations and really the overarching thing that I think is so important for navigating your career. Uh, specifically, you know, for, for you, for the kind of people I work with for the kind of people I serve. What I keep coming back to again and again, is the importance of inner guidance versus external conditioning. So we'll talk about that a little bit today. I also noticed one of the things that we've come to again and again, is. The they're really natural, but not so helpful human inclination to seek safety in the pursuit of control. 

We've talked about that in a few different ways. So we'll get into that a little bit today. We will also talk about the messy middle. That in between space that so many of the [00:05:00] people that I work with field themselves. Where they know they don't belong where they are, but they're not quite yet at the next place where there's a lot of uncertainty, a lot of fuzzy details there. That's a, that's a huge theme, not only in the podcast, but in my work in general. We will talk about, uh, fears on autopilot because boy, our fears. 

Sure. Like to run things on autopilot when we're not paying attention. And we'll talk a little bit about softening fear. We've already talked about that quite a lot on the podcast. It's funny. Fear comes up in almost every episode. And I'm not surprised about that. Because I think fear is a really natural human response to change. 

And really a lot of what we're talking about here is growth and change. And then finally. We're gonna pull our attention to. Moving forward, even when we feel scared, even when we don't feel entirely clear on how to move forward. So we'll talk about things like experiments, exploring dabbling [00:06:00] and toe dips. So let's go through each of these one by one. 

Shall we 

there are five little areas and five questions related to those areas. That I would love for you to just carry with you. Over the next couple of months. And so this first area is about inner guidance versus external conditioning. And really what I'm talking about when I talk about inner guidance is your intuition. I think intuition is probably the most powerful tool that we have and can nurture and develop not just in life, but in order to help us navigate our careers. But in order to do that, we have to. Oh, boy, we have to do a lot of work to address. And shed. And soften. A lot of the external conditioning we have from society at large, from our childhoods things we've picked up [00:07:00] from probably very well-meaning people who have cared for us or mentored us. Uh, where we've internalized some messaging. That is no longer serving us. 

It doesn't mean that it wasn't one serving us. But it feels like some things are out of alignment. And so if we don't look at our external conditioning now, and again, If we don't do those cognitive oil changes that I talked about in one episode. If we don't do that, we end up finding ourselves more and more in misalignment. At work, we find ourselves feeling smaller and constrained. 

We find ourselves feeling trapped and powerless. And that's because we're following someone else's blueprint and a lot of people and Hey, I'll raise my hand here. A lot of us. At some point in our lives, we, we will just sort of go through the motions and follow the rules. And, you know, go ahead and follow that blueprint that we were [00:08:00] given. Uh, but for a lot of us, it takes, it takes a while for some of us to realize that that that's not necessarily feeling so great. And don't get me wrong. 

It does feel great for some people. There are people who are built for that, and there's lots of them. But it certainly isn't everybody. And there are many people who find themselves disenchanted in the middle of their career. Heck I mean, actually I work with a lot of people in their twenties and thirties too. 

So we're talking people at the beginning of their career to. This disenchantment process that happens when we override our inner guidance in favor of outer conditioning. And so. One thing that can be helpful. As we're grappling with that push pull. Of intuition. And, uh, Rule following. Is to ask ourselves the question. Okay. 

What does my conditioning tell me to do? [00:09:00] And what does my intuition tell me to do? And here's why that's helpful. It doesn't necessarily give you an easy answer for which direction to go, but it does help you identify. What's coming from your conditioning. Versus what's coming from yourself. So when you're feeling really torn about something, or I F I find this can be an especially helpful question when you're afraid of something, when something you want to do, doesn't feel safe. It's really helpful to look under the hood and to ask yourself, okay, like, is, is some of what I'm experiencing here? 

Some of what I'm thinking here, some of these assumptions I'm carrying here is this just internalized conditioning that maybe I've been carrying with me, like, is this someone else's idea? Is this programming that I've just sort of absorbed through life? Usually you will be able to tell the things that feel. Heavy the things that feel constraining. Or limiting. Are [00:10:00] usually attached to some sort of belief. Or assumption. That was probably given to you by society at large or something that came from outside of yourself. If there's a thought or feeling you have that's yours, you'll notice that it feels a little more relaxed. Definitely more expansive. 

You probably feel a little bit lighter about it, but because there is this push pull, it can be helpful initially, just to flag. And notice which pieces of the struggle you're having for your next navigational move is coming from conditioning. And when you ask yourself this pair of questions. What does my conditioning tell me to do. And what does my intuition tell me to do? 

You will notice that. It's going to feel a little bit like a push pole. So again, it's not going to give you a clear answer. But at least you'll have identified. Which part of what's going [00:11:00] on is really about your conditioning. And when that happens, you know, there's something to explore there, probably a little bit of releasing. Probably a little bit of softening. So. That's your first question or rather pair of questions to carry with you. 

What does my conditioning tell me to do? And what does my intuition tell me to do? Very often? You'll notice those things are at odds and it's good to tease them apart. 

So number two. Another area that I noticed we've been talking a lot about in this first season of the career guys in podcast is. The idea. This very natural human inclination. We have to seek safety in the pursuit of control. God, this is such a natural thing to do. I don't, I get caught up in it. I think everybody gets caught up in it. When we are afraid of something, we tend to get a little more rigid. A little more graspy, a little more [00:12:00] likely to look outside of ourselves for something that we can latch on to, or a little more likely to grip onto something that we feel we can control. Again, it's a really natural inclination. 

But. Trying to control things that are out of your control. The future, for example. It'll make you feel powerless. You know this, cause we've all done this from time to time scrambling after something that you want to control, that's actually not within your sphere of control. Always leaves you feeling powerless. It's also exhausting, by the way, it's like a hamster wheel that never ends all that cloying, all that grasping. It's um, it's a bit of a desperate energy, actually. 

Not very light, not very expansive, not very aligned. Uh, and all of us are familiar with that scrambling, controlling kind of energy. At some [00:13:00] time you might recognize it in your work life. You might recognize it in your personal life. We do this everywhere. And. 

Usually when we're seeking safety. In the pursuit of control. That is a. 

Let me just say a misdirected. Way to seek safety. Because anyone who habitually seeks safety outside of themselves, by trying to rigidly control. People circumstances, situations. Uh, that's a real uphill battle and very often it's misdirected because you would be much, uh, you'd be more well-served. Uh, by spending your energy. In the areas that you can influence and control, it's actually way more effective and efficient to just be discerning. About. 

Okay. What can I control and what can't [00:14:00] I control. I know nobody wants to look at the things that we can't control, but it's actually a very empowered things to do. Because once you realize that there are some things that are out of your control. Then you're able to turn your energy to the things that you can influence a little bit more, and that's just a way better place to put your energy. So. Uh, great question for you to carry. For the next couple of months, as it relates to control. 

If control is a thing for you. Just ask yourself, what is my relationship to control? 

And see what comes up. Do you find you lean toward flexibility or do you find you lean toward rigidity and there's no, there's no value judgment there. It would just be helpful for you to notice. How you're sort of wired and what your habitual way of being is, because that can be quite informative. Let's let's [00:15:00] say you're someone who you're like, oh shit. 

I actually think I lean towards control a little bit. And I'm really noticing that that isn't working for me. And man, I am exhausted. That's good information to know, right. Just good to know what your habitual patterns are and whether they're working. Or not. And if you're habitually leaning to control. If it's been working for you fine so far. 

Let me tell you, it's not going to work for you forever because you are going to burn out of that pattern at some point, and it's not going to feel great. 

So I'm going to gently and lovingly suggest that for all of us. It's really time to start practicing flexibility. And agility. Think about the difference between rigidity and holding things lightly, the energetic difference between those two things. So when you ask yourself, what's your relationship to control? 

A, um, a directive and [00:16:00] action that can go with that question is okay. 

How can I start practicing flexibility and agility a little bit more. And I like the idea. Of like really stressing the word practicing there because all of us who seek to control things in certain ways, that's not like a flip that you can switch easily. But you can practice trying to be more flexible. 

You can practice. Trying to move more fluidly in an agile way. And here's why I think this piece is especially important and why I wanted to highlight it today. 

Our world is changing very quickly. And if you haven't noticed, but I bet you have our systems of work are changing quite quickly as well. And so the idea of choosing something locking in and riding it out until retirement. That's not going to serve us for much longer. In fact, [00:17:00] many people are already finding that, that doesn't serve them. And so. At some point you will have to practice agility. A great analogy to think about when doing this is to think about, uh, like, uh, waves in the ocean, right. A little bit, a little bit of turbulence, a couple of waves coming at you through life. Well, if you think of surfing, And you're up on that surfboard and you are rigid as a poll, just like a full 90 to 90 degree angle on that surf board. You're going to get thrown into the water really quick, but if you're a little more fluid, a little more flexible, a little more agile. You will be carried through those waves. 

And so now is a really great time to practice flexibility and agility. So something to think about. 

The next area that we have touched on again and [00:18:00] again, in our conversations. Is this. This no man's land this place of the messy middle. This in-between space between what once felt good or right, or okay. And the next place. Where you're going to be going. And like so much of what we've been talking about here is not just career navigation, but really career change. And so I know a lot of you. Right now in this very moment, find yourselves. In that messy middle in the in-between space between what was, and what's coming. And it's, it's wild that, that we don't talk about this more just broadly in the world. Those of those people in career navigation spaces, you know, it's so common to see people treat career changes and career navigation like a, like a quick glamorous snappy. Uh, [00:19:00] make-over. And it's just not like that. 

That's not a nuanced human way to look at. Career change. And so I think it's really important that we honor the spaces and timeframes where things feel. Uncertain. And details feel. Fuzzy. These in-between spaces. You know, I actually think these spaces are kind of sacred. I think it's where a lot of personal development happens. 

It's where a lot of growth happens. And. It's interesting. We are growing most when we are uncomfortable. And these in between spaces, this messy middle is certainly an uncomfortable place to be. And just because I help people with this for a living doesn't mean I like these spaces any more than the average person. I find my own messy middles and my own in between. [00:20:00] Moments. 

Season's quite uncomfortable as well. 

But I think it's helpful for us to honor that this is a natural part of growth. And expansion. And helpful question to carry with you. If you are in one of these phases. In a messy middle of your own, or if you find yourself in an in-between space. It's a simply ask yourself. What do I think I need. To get clear on how to move forward. 

I know that's a big question, but sometimes we just have the feeling of being lost. And we never actually ask ourselves what we think we might need to get on last it's funny, we just sort of sit in the rut. We kind of just sit in the rut and hope to get struck by lightning. But a really helpful question to ask yourself is, okay, what do I actually think? 

I need to get clear on how to move forward. And that's a very different [00:21:00] question then. What do I need to do? Right. Cause you're probably not ready for that question, but you might have a little hunch about what you think you need in order to get clear on how to move forward. Maybe it's, I'm doing a particular kind of research. 

Maybe it's, uh, maybe it's taking my little free three day online course. Maybe it's having some conversations that will be illuminating for you. Maybe. Maybe it's doing some inner work. Maybe it's getting honest with yourself about some stuff that you've been avoiding and haven't wanted to look at, but you, if you ask yourself the question. What do I think I need to get clear. On, in order to move forward. You will probably have something rise up. Whether it's doing some research, some inner work, some, some small action, something will come up. 

If you sit with that question for long enough, and let me tell you that's way [00:22:00] better than just sitting in the rut of lost ness and stuckness. And hoping that lightning strikes that suddenly you'll be hit with clarity. Clarity is often something we find not something we're given. 

So there's your third question to carry with you for the next couple of months? 

The next theme. And it's a big one that we've talked about quite a lot. Is fear. And specifically for the purpose of today, I just want to highlight. Fear on autopilot. As something to keep an eye on. We've talked a lot in the past 20 episodes about softening fear. How to soften fear. Uh, the fact that fear isn't the enemy. 

The fact that fear is something we should invite to the table and listen to, and listening to fear. Is different than acquiescing to fear, right. Just giving it a seat at the table. Hearing it out because here's what happens if we don't give our fears. A seat at the [00:23:00] table. If we don't decide to just give a little bit of loving attention to our fears. 

When we avoid. Suppress. Ignore or override our fear. Fear just turns up the volume. So ignoring it. You've probably noticed if you've ever ignored, suppressed, or overridden your fear in the past, you probably notice that doesn't actually make the fear go away. The fear just finds a way to sort of turn up the dial on the volume, uh, because it's asking to be looked at. So. It really is counter-intuitive to. To think about. Inviting fear to the table and listening to what it has to say. Um, but, but in fact that's what helps us keep fear at a manageable volume. By the way we never need fear to go away. In order for us to move forward. 

I don't think that's realistic at all. I think most people who are waiting [00:24:00] for that will be waiting forever. I know there's a lot of decisions I never would have made and moves. I never would have taken. Had I not, um, or had I just been waiting for my fear. To go away. So we don't need it to go away. We need to give it a seat at the table. 

And so here's a helpful question for you to carry with you. As it relates to fear and any sort of decision-making patterns of thinking. That you might have running on autopilot because of fear. Ask yourself. What is my fear? Trying to draw my attention to. 

And how can I responsibly. Comment. What is my fear, trying to draw my attention to. And how can I responsibly calm it? So your fear is always trying to draw your attention to something it's usually got a loud speaker or a big spotlight, right? So see if, see, if you can go ahead and, um, [00:25:00] notice what the specific fears are. 

A lot of people. Uh, our so, uh, unfamiliar. With their fear. They don't have an intimate relationship with their fear, even though they feel it strongly. There are so many people who don't really know their fear. All they know is that they feel fear, but they don't actually know what the fear is about. So getting granular about what your fear is trying to point at is helpful. 

So the spotlight analogy is good, actually. Um, Uh, see if you can get very specific about what your fear is pointing to, because it's probably not pointing at everything. There's probably just something specific that maybe, uh, there's a bit of trauma around or a bit of conditioning around that is trying to point at. 

And then there's the second question. 

How can I call my fear responsibly? And what I mean by that is. [00:26:00] 

How can I actually address it? How can I actually be in conversation with my fear? How can I take small actions to. Calm my fear. Versus. Ignoring suppressing overriding. Or avoiding our fear. Because a lot of us think that we can calm our fear by not looking at it. But if you're really honest with yourself, I'm sure you can recall at least a handful of times where that has not worked for you. It might work for a while. 

The avoidance tactic. The numbing tactic. But it doesn't work forever because then the volume just goes up. So what is my fear? Trying to draw my attention to. And how can I responsibly call mint? And responsibly calming. It might just look like having a loving conversation with your fear. It might. It might look like, you know, it's funny. 

[00:27:00] It almost feels a bit silly for me to be saying, have a conversation with your fear. But I really think this can be helpful to almost imagine your fear. As a young child or as a scared animal that just doesn't have enough information. And so its nervous system is just really spiking. So really what we have to do is gently. Inform the parts of ourselves that are afraid. About how the, the wiser. Um, The wiser adult loving part of us is going to make sure that things are okay. So having a conversation with your fear might look something like, Hey, I know you're really worried about money, for example. 

And you're worried that if we make this change, we'll be living in a van down by the river. But here's what I have in place. I've looked at the worst case scenario and [00:28:00] yes, there are some risks here. But here's, here's how we're going to handle things in the first year of this change, or here's the contingency plan that I've put together in case things don't go, as we expect. And even if the things don't go, as we expect, do you see here? 

How we're still going to be, okay, I've got this little financial cushion or I've got some concessions that I'm willing to make. If you have a conversation with your fear about the way you might handle things as they come, all of a sudden that's really going to soften the edges of your fear. So. Something to think about for the next couple of months. 

Our last section that I wanted to talk about today before I sign off is. The importance of. Experiments and exploring and dabbling. And towed hips. Because so many people feel stuck in [00:29:00] paralysis because they feel like they don't know how to start. 

Like, how do I get started when I don't know how? And I think a lot of us carry the. False. Idea. That we need to have everything figured out before we start. Like we need to have the, the full roadmap. And unfortunately. That just doesn't work. And let me just go ahead and say, listen, I would prefer if we, if we got the full roadmap, The exact GPS coordinates before restarted as well. I certainly like having a plan, but I have noticed. That that's not a great way to move out of paralysis. 

And it's actually not, even if you're not feeling paralyzed. It's not a great way to start something. I find that. When there's something we want, whether we're certain, we want to go after it, or we just want to start exploring something to see if it's something [00:30:00] we want. There is a phase to go through that's introspective and that's very important by the way. 

But then there's also a phase that requires a bit of action, requires a bit of skin in the game. And that doesn't mean. Jumping off the cliff. In fact, I don't advise that unless you really like that level of risk. I'm talking about like baby steps, stepping stones toe. Dips trying things on. Taking a class. 

If you're thinking about making something, making it small, if you're thinking about, I don't know, creating some sort of. Business, like maybe just run a small workshop first. Before you like hand in notice at your job and cross your fingers without ever having dabbled with anything. The reason dabbling is so important is for a couple of reasons. 

And I'll just mention two of them. It helps. Us get a sense of whether our idea about how something is going to feel. Is actually how it feels. Right. Like all the [00:31:00] assumptions you carry about with something is going to be like, you get to test those assumptions and you get to say like, oh yeah, like that was pretty cool. 

And maybe here's how I change it next time. Or. Um, I'd like to include this. More next time, or I want to take another class in this because it felt so great. And the other reason why dabbling is important is. It is something that can help pull us out of paralysis. It's something that can help us move forward in a way. That feels safe without having to put all of your eggs in that basket first. So whether it's doing research, having conversations, Taking a class doing some training, trying a workshop, building something small, trying something for the first time. Dabbling. Is really, really important to help you. Get a little bit of traction. Around the thing you're trying to move towards. And so helpful question [00:32:00] for you to carry with you. Around. 

This is. How can I try this in a way that feels safe? 

Not how can I think about this some more? How can I move this over? How can I try this in a way that feels safe? 

Because thinking about something is a hamster wheel that can get out of control. At some point. Preparation becomes procrastination for a lot of us. And so making that transition from thinking about something, considering something into taking action. Is is not the most comfortable. Of transitions. Uh, it usually requires taking a deep breath, even if it's a baby step, but it's a very important. Step to take on the path to figuring out if something is right for you. So. How can I try this in a way that feels safe? [00:33:00] 

So there you have it, my dears five questions that you can carry with you for the next couple of months, I will write all of them out in the show notes for you, so that you have them with you. 

Just, just so that you can move through the next couple of months, helping yourself really coaching yourself through your own career navigation. I will be back in September. With lots of wonderful new conversations for us. I wish you all the best for the next couple of months. And I promise I will come back. Refreshed and renewed with some more conversation for you real soon. For those of you that would like to stay in touch. While I'm on this little break. 

If you're not already on my email list, I really recommend. Signing up for that because I will definitely be staying in touch with my community over these next couple of months. Just not here on [00:34:00] the podcast. I need some time to go on some camping trips and maybe hop in a kayak and go read and a hammock. 

That's what I'm. That's what I'm planning to do for my summer. When I take a little bit of time off. So sending you lots of love and I will see you in September. 

Hey, I'm still here. I am taking a break from the podcast for the summer. But I am still working with my clients. If you are at a point in your career where you would like some extra support. For a career change or maybe there's something you want to make and build. Maybe there's something you want to explore. Reach out. 

I am going to [00:35:00] be taking on some new clients this summer. I am also going to be taking on some people into my group program, career shift, which is my most popular program. So this might be a great time to reach out. And connect a little more personally than we've been connected on the podcast so far, I will leave some links to my programs and the ways I can help you in the show notes. And, uh, perhaps we'll get to know each other a little bit more this summer. And for those of you who are simply here for the podcast. Sending you lots of love and I'll see you again in September. 

Thanks for being here.