How To Get What You Want

Sarah Vermunt: [00:00:00] We are at the start of a fresh new year. This is a season for taking stock. For reassessing for refocusing. And even if you're not a new year's resolutions person, You might find yourself naturally. A little more reflective at this time of year. There are maybe some things that you would like to leave behind. There are maybe also some things that you would like to move towards. 

And there are probably a few things that you want moving forward. And you've probably already started thinking about how to get those things. So I'm going to walk us through that today. How to get what you want and hold onto your hats, because I can promise how to get there is not what you expect. Let's go. 

[00:01:00] 

Sarah Vermunt: Welcome to Careergasm. 

This is a place to help you find your way to feel good work. I'm Sarah Vermunt. And I help people navigate their careers. I'm a career coach, bestselling author, and my work has been featured at places like Forbes, fortune Inc entrepreneur and fast company. On this show, we talk about career navigation and career change. And specifically the human side of work, where the professional is personal. We have heartfelt nuanced conversations about navigating your career. Including all of the squishy feelings that come along with being a human at work. Thanks for listening. 

I'm glad you're here. [00:02:00] 

I'm going to start today by telling you a secret. One of the best kept secrets out there is that career navigation. Is actually an inside job. Of course. Yes, there are, you know, moves to be made actions to be taken in the real 3d world. But the important stuff. The stuff that. Actually lines up, all of the dominoes in your favor is the stuff you do inside to make all of that outside stuff happened to allow all of that outside stuff to happen. And that is good news. 

The good news is the answers are inside. Which means you have the capacity to access them. But, uh, the good news is also the bad news. The good news is that the answers are inside. And the bad news. Is that the answers are inside. Which means. We can't [00:03:00] look too far outside of ourselves for instruction. We got to look inward. As we're going after the things we want. And so if all of this is sounding, very abstract at this point, Let me make it practical for you. Today, we are going to look at five very important questions to ask yourself. That will help you get what you want.

And of course here, we're talking about career stuff, but you can apply these questions to any area of your life. If there's something you want in your career, these questions will help. If there's something you want in your life, these questions were help. If you just want a different experience, a different feeling, a different way of being. These questions will help. So let's dive right in. First I'd like you to think about something you want. 

This can be big. This can be small, something in your career, something in your life. [00:04:00] Are you holding it in your head? Are you holding it in your mind and heart? Okay. So this thing that you want. Question number one is what am I willing to change? In order to have what I want. What am I willing to change in order to have what I want? , usually there's this Gulf between the way things are now. And where it is. 

We want to go. Sometimes it's a small little puddle. Sometimes it's a big Gulf, but there is some distance between where you are now and where you want to be. And the way to cross that distance is to figure out what changes can be made to help you get a little bit closer to that final destination. And so this question, what am I willing to change in order to get what I want is empowering for two reasons. It helps you think about some of the necessary steps to [00:05:00] get there, but also.

It focuses on willingness notice. 

I didn't ask you the question. What do I need to do to get what I want? I said, what am I willing to do? What am I willing to change in order to get what I want? There's something about framing this around a willingness and not necessity. That is far more empowering. Because there might be some things. That you think are required to have what you want, but you're just not willing to do them. And so what happens when you're in that place is you just end up in paralysis. Because you can't make a move. But if you ask yourself, what am I willing to change in order to get what I want? 

All of the sudden you don't necessarily think about what other people are doing to have this thing. What someone else might suggest you change? You start thinking about. What you're actually willing to do. [00:06:00] And that is a really lovely, empowered place to start. So for example, Let's say you're someone who wants more space, more openness in your life. 

And. There are a ton of different ways that you could perhaps explore creating more space for yourself in your life. If you have a very hectic, chaotic life, but when you ask yourself, what am I willing to change? All of a sudden that helps you take a few options off the table. That wouldn't feel good. And maybe keep a few options on the table that you would consider. 

So it tailors your experience. 

It changes the framing to your willingness to actually engage with something. And that's the kind of thing that will actually help you move forward. So, what am I willing to change? In order to get what I want. Okay. Here's question [00:07:00] number two. What am I willing to release? Or soften. In order to have what I want. See, see how this question here? 

This one has some undoing. Unlearning energy. When I work with people on career changes, one of the biggest parts of the personal development side that we work on is gently softening some of the things that are getting in their way. Some habits, some fears, some ways of being some of the mental stories. And so as they go through this process going after the things they want, they're also working on releasing and softening some of the things that are getting in their way. So a great question to ask yourself is what are some of the things that I can control that are within me? That I sense are getting in my way around this thing that I want and have those things. [00:08:00] Which of those things, am I willing to release or soften? Now it's not like flipping a switch. But you can set an intention to work on some of that stuff. So, for example, perhaps there's a big project you want to move forward with. 

Maybe you want to write a book. Maybe you want to start a business? 

But you can't move forward because maybe you struggle with some perfectionism.

You can't move forward because maybe. You're not good at trying things, if you're not sure if you're going to be good at it. Do you see how some of these things could potentially get in your way when you're trying something new? So it's really helpful to examine some of the. Some of those things that we do. Our regular stumbling blocks that we seem to encounter all of the time. 

Which ones do you encounter most typically? And is there one or two of them that you're willing to release or [00:09:00] soften so that you can get a little bit closer to what it is you want? 

Question number three. What am I willing to step into or take on or try in order to have what I want. This is sort of the flip side of the previous question. You know, releasing and softening is about. Not doing or curbing. And this one is really all about action. It's about stretch, maybe moving out of your comfort zone. And so. It's a really important question to ask, what am I willing to step into? 

What am I willing to, to try? Even if it makes me uncomfortable. Even if I'm a little bit out of. My, my regular way of being, even if I'm not sure how this thing is going to go. Is there something I need to try and perhaps risk being bad at, at the beginning. [00:10:00] In order to move closer to the thing I want. 

Now, these could be big things. These could be small things. Let's say you're someone who wants to move into an entirely different. Field of work. Or someone who maybe wants to move up in your current industry and you really want to go for a promotion, but there are some components of that work. That you are not yet familiar with and maybe one or two things that even intimidate you a little bit. What can you do this year? 

This month, this week? In order to help you. I stretch a little bit in that direction, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Is there a little action you could take? Is there something you could initiate or engage with? To help you move towards this thing. That you want.

Question number four. What am I willing to [00:11:00] practice in order to have what I want? I actually think this is my favorite question out of all of the questions, because so many of the things that we want actually require us to. Uh, they require us to work on something for a while. Particularly if this is something. If, if the thing you want is an area of personal development or growth or upleveling of some kind. 

That kind of stuff is not like flipping a switch. There are often some. Wrote habits and behaviors that we have to. Unravel and unwire before we can do things in a new way. And so thinking about. The things that you would be willing to practice to move towards what you want. Is I personally find a really empowering [00:12:00] way to frame. Things you're working on for the long game. 

And here's what I mean by that. Maybe I'll give you a personal example. So one of the things I'm personally working on. Is. Trying to make better, more intuitive decisions, not just the big ones. But like day to day, I'm pretty good at using my intuition to make big decisions actually. But not so much for navigating my day-to-day life. 

I tend to get an idea of what I think I'm going to do. And then I just sort of like follow the script for the day, which is fine some days, but some days it means. I'm pushing through things when my energy isn't quite right. For example, last week there was a project I really wanted to work on and I had in my calendar to work on. So just a personal deadline. 

So I wasn't accountable to anyone else. But I got to those two days and I. Was [00:13:00] f-ing exhausted. And I knew that if I pushed myself. To do. That particular project on those two days, the end result would be kind of shitty actually. Like it was something that I was going to be making to share with other people in my community. 

And I know from experience, unfortunately, that when I pushed myself to make something because of an idea I have in my head, that it needs to get done on a certain day. It's not quite as shiny. It doesn't land quite as well for people. And so I would like to not do that so much, not just for the people I serve, but for myself, like, it would be nice to go through my days. Feeling like I have a little bit of flexibility and I can trust the way I feel. To guide the particular types of things I'm working on. 

And listen, some days you can do that some days you can't. If I got a full day booked with clients, I'm not going to just say audio. So I'm not [00:14:00] feeling it today. I'm going to show up. But on those more flexible days, I would like to listen to my intuition more. And specifically. What I'm currently working on. 

I've been doing it for about a month, month and a half. It's hard, but it's coming along. I'm actually trying to. Gosh, how can I put this? I am trying to let my body. I have a seat at the table. Like my actual physiological reactions and my energy levels. I'm trying to let that help me decide. What to do what to work on and how to respond and move through my days when I have the flexibility to do so. And so what I've noticed over the past month or so. Is, I am getting a little more practiced at noticing. How I feel physically. And making decisions based on that. 

And because I'm doing that, I'm also paying attention to. What I [00:15:00] need physically in order to feel better. And more energetic. You know, I might notice like, Hey girl, it's like 4:00 PM and you hadn't had a glass of water today. Maybe that's a good idea. So then this, this noticing that I'm doing. Is something that I am practicing. 

And I will tell you I'm framing it as a practice because I've been doing it for a month, month and a half. And I am not there yet. And I suspect I will have to do it. A lot longer in order to figure this thing out and get a little bit better at it. But it means that because I'm framing it as something, I can practice that every time I get super frustrated, I can easily reframe that frustration. As, oh, you're frustrated about something right now or, oh, you're feeling draggy right now. 

That means it's probably a really good opportunity to practice this thing that you want to try doing. So I'd love for you to ask yourself around this goal that you want to pursue this thing that you want. [00:16:00] What are you willing to practice in order to have what you want? Everybody's going to have a different answer because everybody's going after something. Different in a different way with different abilities and constraints. So, this is a great one for the long game. Okay. 

And then finally, question number five. What am I willing to do to make this feel more doable, more realistic, more achievable. Perhaps this thing that you want. You could work on it, on your own. But you think that it would feel more doable if you had a little bit of support for it in some way. If you. Perhaps had some sort of accountability buddy or took some sort of program or had some sort of support for it. 

And only you will know what that kind [00:17:00] of support you need would look like. Or perhaps. This thing that you want, you were thinking about it on a particular timeline. And you realize the timeline. Doesn't really make it feel achievable and doable. I know, I personally really struggle with trying to do too much in too short a time. It is. It has been a life long struggle of mine. And I haven't quite figured it out yet. 

So very often if I notice I have a goal. That needs a little tweak. Very often. It's around. fInding a way to make it seem more doable, more realistic. And I often have to look at my timeline for things. And stretch them out. A little bit, because I often forget for better or worse. That life keeps on happening, even when I'm working on a particular project, a particular goal. And so if you struggle with this also, You might want to take a look at. Your [00:18:00] timeline and adjust it. This timeline thing I'm talking about. Uh, something that comes to mind is something, a mentor of mine taught me. About 10 or 12 years ago, I was studying under a woman named Martha back. You might know her from the Oprah show and her column and the Oprah magazine. She's also a best-selling author of a ton of books. I was studying under her about 10 or 12 years ago. And she said something. That just broke my brain in the best way. We were talking about goal setting and she took us through this exercise. And she asked us to hold a goal in our minds. And she waited until we had the goal in our mind and we felt really good and really solid about it. 

She's like, you feel good about it? It's not too ambitious. It feels good. And we all said, yeah, yeah, it feels good. Okay. We're here. We've got it. And then she said, Okay, cut that goal in half. 

And for whatever [00:19:00] reason, I found that. Exhilarating. Because I'm the kind of person. Who will set. Like a big goal, an ambitious goal. And man, my shoulders just relaxed a little bit. When she suggested. We cut the goal in half. And so, some people cut the goal in half in terms of this timeline, we're talking about. 

Some people cut the goal in half in terms of the scope. But each of us found a way to soften the goal to make it feel. A little bit easier for us as we were pursuing the goal. Because what's important to remember is not just the finish line, particularly for very long-term goals. If the journey, if the road to that goal, doesn't also feel good. You're going to reach burnout. 

You're going to start [00:20:00] resenting the journey. And so there's something about just gently tweaking. Some of the things you want to be more doable, realistic, and achievable. That just makes the road to get there a little bit lighter, a little bit smoother and feel a little bit better. 

Now. If you don't have a tangible goal right now. That's fine. At this time of year, I think we're overly encouraged to be setting goals anyway. And so if you don't have a tangible goal, That's great, but I can almost guarantee you probably have some sort of feeling state. Or a way of being that you would like to lean into a little bit more. Maybe you think. Oh, boy, I would love to have some more ease. In my life. [00:21:00] And so you can frame these questions around that. 

Okay. What am I willing to change? Uh, in order to have. More ease in my life. What am I willing to release or soften? In order to have more ease in my life. What am I willing to try in order to have more ease in my life? What am I willing to practice? And what am I willing to do to make this feel more doable? So you can use these questions around any feeling state or any way of being, maybe you're someone who wants more joy in the coming months. Apply these questions to that. Maybe you're someone who wants. More focus in a particular area. These questions will help you do that. 

I am going to put all five of these questions in the show notes today. 

I hope you run with this. And I actually hope to hear from you. Because this podcast is [00:22:00] new. I would love to hear. What you would like to see on the podcast? What sort of things you would like me to tackle and talk about and what sort of things you would like us to walk through together? You can send me a little note. At careergasm.com. 

There's a special contact page there where you can send me a little note. That'll go directly to me. And I would love to hear. What it is you want on future episodes of the podcast? But for today. I hope you had fun with this little exercise, and I really hope you take some time to consider these questions. So that you can move a little closer to getting what you want. Take care and I'll see you next time. 

Hey there. 

I'm still here. You know how at the end of literally every podcast you listen to, they ask you to subscribe. And rate. And review. That's what I'm doing. [00:23:00] 

And you know how usually when you hear that you don't subscribe and rate and review. You just sort of listened to it and then you go back to like washing the dishes or take a bathroom break or whatever. 

This time, would you be willing to actually do it, which may be scooch on over to the little place where you can click the five stars and click five stars for me. If you're not up for writing a review, that's fine. That takes time. But clicking those five stars is really, really easy. So if you'd be willing to do that, I would super appreciate it. 

Thanks for listening. I'll see you next time.