But I Don't Know How

[00:00:00] You know that feeling you get sometimes when there's something you're drawn to. Like, there's something that feels kind of shiny to you. Something you think you might want to try? Something new. And you have that little flutter of possibility in your heart. It might be getting a sense that like, oh my gosh, what would it be like if I wrote a book or started a business or made a podcast or. I made a career change. And so you feel that little flutter of possibility. And then fear sweeps in and it says. But I don't know how to do that. And so you have this little inner freak out. You're your own little sort of toddler hissy fit the push pull between you and this thing. And it kind of shuts things down. That I don't know how feeling. And I want to talk about that feeling today, [00:01:00] that sort of fear spiky. Doubtful. Feeling that puts on the brakes and takes a window of your sales. There's really nothing more. Disempowering disheartening and paralyzing. Then that, but I don't know how feeling. When there's something sparkly that you want to move towards. 

So today we'll talk about. What to do about the, I don't know how feeling. So that you don't feel disempowered and so that you can move forward. Let's go.

Welcome to Careergasm. This is a place for you to find your way to feel good work. I'm Sarah Vermunt and I help people navigate their careers. I'm a career coach, a best-selling author. And my work has been featured at places like Forbes, fortune Inc entrepreneur and fast company. [00:02:00] On this show, we talk about career navigation and career change. And specifically. The human side of work. Where the professional is personal. We have heartfelt nuanced conversations about navigating your career, including all of the squishy feelings that come along with being a human at work. Thanks for listening. I'm glad you're here.

Oh, that feeling of not knowing how to do something, it's not the best feeling. 

Is it? 

That feeling of something shiny that feels just out of reach. So many of the people. I work with. Encounter this feeling on their journey of a career change. And it's one that can be. Quite. Paralyzing. Because there's really nothing harder than. [00:03:00] Admitting what you want and feeling like you can't have it. That's a really, really painful place to be. And. 

It really only has to be a temporary stop, a temporary phase on the career change journey. 

Now there are some people, lots of people actually out there who will let. Not knowing how to do something. Stop them. But you don't want to be one of those guys. We don't want you to be one of those people. And so I have some helpful questions that you can ask yourself today. When you find yourself in this space of paralysis. And fear and disenchantment, because you feel like you don't know how to get the thing you want, or you don't know how to do the thing you want to do. 

And it's not a surprise that we find this feeling. 

So disempowering, is it because for most of us. We've been socialized, you know, unless you're [00:04:00] quite young and maybe went to a Montessori school or something. The education system, we went through. Sort of provided like a, almost like a conveyor belt model. Of thinking about career, where you make a decision about some sort of thing you wanted to do. And a cookie cutter sort of style. Model for achieving said, thing was presented to you in the form of a degree and a particular career path. Which works great for some people, some people really want. Uh, career paths that are quite structured and follow a prescribed model. 

And thank goodness for those people. We need our doctors and accountants and nurses and engineered. There's a very prescribed path for a lot of careers. And. 

For many of us, there are paths that are not quite so linear. Not so prescribed. And so [00:05:00] if you're not someone who happens to feel the sparkle. Of a linear prescribed path. Uh, you maybe a little more familiar with the feeling of, I don't know how to do this. 'cause, it's not like you can just reverse engineer what you want. 

It's a little, a little unconventional, a little different. Maybe there's not an exact formula for it. But there are ways for us to move through this feeling. And so one of the best questions you can ask yourself when you have this feeling of, I don't know how you've done the hard work of identifying something you want. 

You finally have clarity around this thing. But you sort of reach a. An impasse of sorts, because now you're clear on what you want, but oh my gosh, it feels like there's an obstacle course to get there. So here's the first question to ask yourself. 

Do I need information? Or do I [00:06:00] need to try practice and experiment? With this thing. Do I need more information? Before I can move forward. Or am I at the stage where I need to try practice and experiment with this thing? For some of you, the answer might be. Both. And for some of you, the answer might be, oh yeah. 

Wow. I need more information. I don't even really know what this thing is yet. And for some of you. If you're like me, I'll just be honest. I really like to hang out in information gathering mode. I feel much safer there than in doing mode. So usually I go through a phase where I've gathered the information and where I'm stalling. Is on the toe dip on the trying and doing and experimenting. So I know some of you will also be, uh, ready for that phase. 

So maybe just ask yourself now, this thing that you feel drawn towards this thing that feels a little bit [00:07:00] sparkly that you don't know how to do. 

First question you want to ask yourself is okay, is what I need more information. Or is what I need. Action. The trying the doing the practicing, and you will have a gut sense of what the actual answer is versus what you want the answer to be. Trust that. 

The next question is okay. If it's, if it's more information you need. Like CA can you brainstorm a couple of ways that you could potentially get that information? Is it just internet research? Is there a class you should take? Do you just need to have a handful of conversations with people who know more about this than you do? 

There's a ton of different ways that you could get that information. And I guarantee it's in multiple places. So not having the information yet is not a good excuse to not move forward. I am sorry to report. Now don't get too smarmy people who have yet to try experiment and practice because your answer is even harder. Your answer is okay. 

If you sense you need to [00:08:00] try experiment and practice with this thing. What are a couple of ways that you could do that? This week, this month. You could probably come up with 10 different ways that you could try experiment or practice with this thing. That you want to move a little closer towards, so go ahead and do a big. Big brain dump of maybe 10 things and then choose one or two things on that list. And do them. There's a really. It's funny. 

I wasn't going to use this word, but I'm going to use it. There's a really magical thing that happens. When you move from thinking about doing something to actually taking action in the real world towards it. There's a sort of alchemical quality to it. And, um, it's like that toe dip. That putting yourself out there. Is often how we learn to swim. 

It's not necessarily in the [00:09:00] information gathering though. That's an important phase. But actually moving into doing. Is where you're sort of putting your money where your mouth is. It's actually bringing this thing to life. 

Even if you feel like you don't even know what that thing quite is yet. Last week on the podcast. I mentioned that I think the universe rewards action when you've got skin on the game. I think that's really true. And I think. The reason why so many of us are stuck just on the edge. Of doing. Of action. That trying experimenting, practicing thing. 

I was talking about. Is because most of us are very comfortable. In our. 

I'll say it. Excuses. We're comfortable in our excuses around not knowing how to do something. Because it's interesting, not ho not knowing how to do something can be true. [00:10:00] And it can also be an excuse for not moving forward. And so. What we're doing today is trying to help you move out of excuse mode. And into a more empowered space where not knowing how to do something. Doesn't have to stop you. Not knowing how to do it means that you either have to gather more information or you have to do a toe dip. 

It doesn't mean that you should keep spiraling in the victim story of not knowing how to do something. So. And listen, no judgment there, by the way, I have spent entire years of my life. Hanging out in my comfortable excuses feeling like I didn't have the personal power to pursue the things that I sensed were right for me. So if you're, if you're stuck in that spiral of excuses, you will not feel any judgment here. 

We've all been there. [00:11:00] 

But because we are often comfortable in our ignorance, comfortable in our not knowing, we tend to hang out there a lot longer than we have to. And it is comfortable in, you know, in many ways, not knowing how to do something is quite comfortable because you can say to yourself, well, If I don't know how to do it, I just can't do it. 

So I don't have to stretch. I don't have to be vulnerable and try, gosh, there's nothing more vulnerable than trying. Is there. Think about it. Like, wow. Like not knowing how to do something and fumbling along and like, Wearing your heart on your sleeve and putting your heart out there to try something. When you're, when you're just a new baby bird at something. That is a really beautiful. In my opinion are really beautiful. Type of vulnerability. I always find it very inspiring when I see someone. Trying [00:12:00] something new, even if they're not doing it well, Because they remind me, like, that's what I want to be doing. 

I want to be brave enough to try for the things I want in life. And my sense is that that is how you feel as well. You probably wouldn't be listening to a podcast like this. If that didn't also feel true for you on some level. So I suppose the reason I'm bringing the vulnerability up is. A lot of us feel like. When we're most vulnerable that it's, uh, it's like a grotesque thing. 

It's an unattractive thing, but I think we're where the most beautiful. When we're willing to stand in our vulnerability and we're never more vulnerable than when we're going after something that's new. That we're not sure if we can do that. We're not sure if we can have. It's a really. Powerful. Thing it's so full of life. 

If you know what I mean? Like just seeing someone try [00:13:00] something and go for it. There's just so much life there. There's just so much beauty there. Two. To say. You know, to see someone saying. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but I'm going to try anyway. Like, I want to do that every day. It's such a beautiful thing. And so I really want to encourage you. To embrace the toe dip. In your life. Is there a tow tip you think might be helpful for you in your life? 

Is there something that's feeling shiny for you? That you're drawn to, that you would like to move towards in your career, or maybe it's in your personal life. Maybe there's something you want to try or make. 

And if it's been on your heart for a while, Maybe you should do it. It's interesting. I had a lovely message. I think it was even just an Instagram comment from a client last week. And [00:14:00] she said something like. It can be that simple if it's on your heart. And I thought that was such a beautiful way to sort of sum up what I'm talking about here. To, um, To sum up. What it means to simply try. 

It's like if it's been on your heart for a while, It can be as simple as finding the bravery to try. And by the way, there's not just one right away to try. So if someone is trying to sell you on their particular formula for how they think you should do something, just notice that they have a vested interest in doing so. But trust your gut on what might be a good, safe way for you to try something, because everybody's going to feel. Comfortable trying things in different ways. And some people are those. Some people are those, feel the fear and do it anyway. 

Cliff jumpers. [00:15:00] That's not me, but some people are like that. And then some people at the other end of the spectrum are the toe dippers that I'm talking about. It's like, you're not just going to jump in, but you can walk towards the water and take a little toe dip. 

And that's what we all have to do in order to move towards the things we want in life.

Another way to think about this is to think about the difference between reverse engineering. Something. Versus feeling it out. And both can be very helpful, but I find. When making decisions. When moving towards something very often, you have to toggle between both. So here's what I mean by reverse engineering. Reverse engineering could be quite helpful. When there are elements of this thing you want. That are somewhat linear and prescribed. 

You know, that there are people who've done this thing before. Let's take writing a book for an example. [00:16:00] You know that there are people who've written books before they haven't written your book, but there are people who've written books. Maybe you're someone who wants to write. Uh, self-help. Or memoir, you know, that there are people who've written those specific kinds of books. And you know that there are classes you could take. 

There are groups you could join. There are books that you could read about how to do that. So you can go ahead and learn that way and take everything you learned from that book or course, or coach or teacher that helps you with that. To sort of reverse engineer, how you might want to do that yourself. 

So you're gathering some information. And then you're putting it into action. That's reverse engineering. Versus feeling it out. Sometimes the only way. Two. Really. Embody. What you want to do and sense whether it's a good fit for you. Is literally just to try it on. You just [00:17:00] got to try it and see how it feels. 

This is why the toe dips I think are so darn empowering. Is you just get some feedback right away about how that felt like, Ooh, this is how that felt or, oh, I didn't like this piece or, wow. That was really cool. If I do it again, I want to lean into it this way or try something different. 

Feeling it out gives you instant. Feedback. And it's something that you can keep taking little baby steps towards. And feeling it out is good when you're trying something that has less of a prescribed path. Perhaps. So let's say. You know, you've done some work. Let's use the example of starting a business this time. Sure. 

There's lots of people who started a business and maybe you've done some reverse engineering by reading books about it, listening to podcasts, maybe getting some help from a coach, et cetera. But nobody has built your business. And so there are elements that you will have to [00:18:00] feel out to see how the various elements and components of this business feel for you. 

You're going to create offerings that are a little bit different than everybody else. You're maybe going to approach marketing and inviting people in a little bit differently than everybody else. It's not going to be the exact same thing that someone else does. So there is an element. Of feeling it out as you go in a series of toe dips, for example, trying it on. Seeing how it feels and making adjustments accordingly. And so when you're in that mode, Of, I don't know how. You will notice that at times, You will lean towards reverse engineering when it makes sense. And at other times you will lean towards feeling it out when it makes sense. And that's really a parallel around what I'm talking about between gathering more information. [00:19:00] And trying, experimenting and practicing. One is reverse engineering, gathering information and putting it into practice. The other is feeling it out. By trying, doing. Taking action. 

And it's really normal, even for a single project, a single thing you want to do, make, build, or try to have to toggle between reverse engineering and feeling it out. Boy, wouldn't it be nice if we just got to reverse engineer everything, if we could map it out and have it all beautifully organized and know that it's going to work out before having to take a single action. It's funny. 

I've been helping people with career changes for more than 10 years now. And. I I have yet to work with a client who was able to do everything. Just with reverse engineering, there always comes a series of toe dips and baby steps that help. With some of the final stages [00:20:00] of clarity and building, regardless of what it is, you want to move towards. And that's the vulnerable piece, right? But the vulnerable piece is also the really beautiful piece. 

It's where we bring our full humanity to our experiences. And it's also the place. I think that just feels. Ah, more rewarding. It's the places where we feel. Prouder. Are those little moments where we step outside with our heart and our sleeve and we try to word something. So this week, I just like to leave you with an eye, that idea of the toe dip and wish you bravery. In taking a small step towards something that feels shiny to you. You deserve it. 

You deserve to go after it. And I hope you try. 

Thanks for listening. I'll see you next time.

Hey, I'm still here. If you want some support for your toe dips and your baby steps. I am here. [00:21:00] And the show notes today, I'm going to leave a couple of links for the various ways that you can work with me. 

One of those links I'm going to leave is just a link to my free three day course called the career guys and crash course. 

And that's a really great course to take. If you find yourself needing more clarity. Before you get ready to take your toe dips. So I will leave a bunch of fun, little links for you there to explore. And I'll see you next time. Thanks for being here.